PICTURES OF COOL SHOES TAKE OVER JAMES'

HOTMAIL ISN'T WORKING SO I'VE BEEN SCOPING MY NEXT TACTICAL MOVE WHEN IT COMES TO PURCHASING SHOES FROM OUR GOOD MAN 'KEVIN SELLS NIKE'. HIS NAME IS 'KEVIN SELLS NIKE' BECAUSE HE DOES, AND DOES IT DAMN WELL TO.

IN OTHER NEWS:

+ GOING TO PRESETS TOMORROW NIGHT AT SYDNEY UNI!
+ DAVID HICKS HAS BEEN SPOTTED AROUND TOWN, MORE THAN OFTEN ON A PINK YOUNG GIRLS MOUNTAIN BIKE... WHEN QUESTIONED ON REASONS FOR FIRSTLY RIDING A BIKE PRESUMABLY STOLEN FROM A GIRL UNDER 14 AND SECONDLY BUT ONLY SLIGHTLY LESS IMPORTANTLY: 'DAVID, SHOULDN'T YOU BE AWAITING TRIAL/ROTTING IN GUANTONOMO BAY - WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON SYDNEY'S NORTH SHORE?'
DAVID HAS FREQUENTLY REPLIED... 'I'M TRYING TO SCHEME CHICKS... AND COULD YOU CALM DOWN FOR A MINUTE? THERES A DROUGHT ON! aLSO, DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET A "FREE SCHAPPELLE" SHIRT AND MAYBE EVEN THE NEW GWEN STEFANI ALBUM? THAT SHIT IS BANANAS MAN!!!!!!!!'
+ I KEPT GOING WONDERING WHY MY BLOG SEEMED REALLY DIFFERENT FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS... MORE GEEZERish THAN NORMAL, THEN IT DAWNED ON ME... FIRSTLY I DON'T WEAR FRED PERRY OR BEN SHERMAN JACKETS, MY URL ISN'T www.thestreeets.co.uk, AND I'M NOT MIKE SKINNER - I'M JAMES (identity crisis solved!!)O!! d'ya know what I mean mate, I was well confused n'that?
+ IN LIGHT OF THE LAST BREAKING STORY I WILL NO LONGER BE TOURING WITH DIZZEE RASCAL AND MIA AND NO LONGER HAVE PLANS TO 'head back into the studio to record my 3rd full length album: "Lager, crisps and E's...yeah mate, sorted"'
thats it for the Breaking News today, good afternoon

...dog on surfboard with sunglasses at charity benefit...
...credits
...the end

THIS WEEKS HEADLINES

FINALLY A RHYMING SEQUEL TO 'ANGRY LONERS KILLED SEQUINNED JEN'!

after a several month hiatus 'Big Coronas or Tiny Men' is back in production! (for first two chapters read - bottom post of this blog).
BCorTM's brainchild James stated from his writing studio the other day:
'Yeah i know its been a while coming, I'm just glad to be back... I'd just like to thank my trainer and my family for keeping me fit in these not-the -least-bit-trying times. full credit to all the boys, they done good, they run strong and we'll be back even stronger next year - the location less exotic, the observation even wittier and the in-jokes more pertinent'

IN OTHER NEWS:

- A workmate told me that i had a way with words last week... does that mean that Sara Blasko might dig me? Does it matter that the words that I had a way with started with F and C???

- the show on FBi 94.5fm (FBi Luvs U!) that is sometimes known as 'Overnights - w/ James and Steve' is excited to announce that FBi may be commenciing internet streaming!! this means that you can listen to me and super-Steve talking about each others The horoscopes and stuff. Internet streaming comes extra handy if you live in hard to reach places that aren't sydney eg Perth or more specifically at clauds, annika, tim or bolts' houses or maybe in Adelaide in toms college dorm in between spankings and easter egg hunts with homoerotic over and undertones. Such technology could even be handy if you are my brother in Ireland trying to balance being Aussie all while being the ladsiest geezer outside of the Gallagher brothers and maybe the Libertines on a bad day. Finally this technology would be handy to listen to your good mates radio show if you are an in-love, balding red nut from Canberra who didn't even call me or email me to tell me how Vietnam was.

- I've finally made a new uni buddy that is in all the same classes as me. His name is Teenaged-starry-eyed-sweep-fringed Monster, he is the nicest guy ever and even though he wears badass black acid-wash tight pants, Reebok pumps and has multiple lame tattoos including mainly stars and lightning bolts he is great and I love him - stay tuned for a photo (actually a drawing done in biro) once i work out how to use a scanner.

- BREAKING NEWS:::JAMES' NEW UNI FRIEND (the monster looking one in Reebok Pumps) IS AVENGING SEQUINNED JENS DEATH BY ATTACKING HER KILLERS - ANGRY LONERS - Angry loners at the top of the Monster's hit list appear to be Thom Yorke from Radiohead and David Campese, former Australian Rugby Player and St Ives Sports store owner. Yorke and Campese have been seen together several times often just waterrunning at West Pymble pool or doing lunch with North Shore mothers at the Coonanbarra Cafe. Yorke as described by one such mother who shall remain anonymous as the most flagrant of gossips and bitch-ers in the cappucino circle:

'Thom is a riot. He brings a whole new perspective to gossiping... at one point he bought in a drum synth and just rolled up in a ball whining for hours. It really got his point across and I agreed that his son should have been picked in the A's cricket and that it was all politics'

- Visit the James and Steve blog!!! www.jamesandsteve.blogspot.com

- a lady just called my house and asked to speak to 'Mrs Maloney'
I immediately said 'I'm sorry I think you have the wrong number'
The lady then said in her best annoying-lady-trying-to-sell-something-voice 'Well is mum or dad there, I'm looking for the home owner' - because someone with my voice could NEVER own a house you evil televampiress.
I then replied 'No... this is a rented house anyway'
The televampire then said 'Oh... I'm so sorry - thank you.'
I then said 'No its OK, they say rent money is dead money in the ads I know, but with the price of real estate around here at the moment - who could blame my parents for not wanting to buy a house right now... and why would they want to buy a house in Pymble anyway lady? Pymble is just a convenient place to live as my younger brothers and sisters go to schools around there. i doubt mum and dad will want to hang out there forever and pay off a mortgage for multiple bedrooms and backyards they won't need once they get rid of the kids. Y'hear?!\
But she'd already hung up and moved onto the next sitting duck in his parents house, wearing a white woollen cardigan, playing solitaire and eating a massive wagon wheel...bitch.

AND FINALLY A LIGHTER STORY: ...dog riding surfboard

credits...
the end

josh homme and me...

just got home from seeing QOTSA at the UNSW roundhouse===was good - the problem is the first word i used to describe it was good. had it really blown my mind I probably wouldn't be typing about it now.
seriously though Queens of the stoneage or the josh homme show as i like to call it were at the end of the day RADD.

JAMES'S LINXX
still don't know how to put links in this thing so i will give you some here
www.fireenginesanddumpsters.blogspot.com - claudia's version of news in sunny perth
www.dopecomics.com the art of ozzie wright and dashenka and the official website of the Goons of Doom
www.itsverypleasant.blogspot.com - levins' rants about music and shite
www.fbi.org.au - fbi radio 94.5fm - best radio station in the world!
www.youami.net - the best band in the world that sings about washing lines and milkmen! tim rogers is my hero.
www.alberts.net.au - this is 'totes' where i work. check out the photo gallery - there is none of me there now but there are some beautiful people that i work with in there.
www.sneakerfreaker.com - cool shoes for those obsessed. by a bunch of melbourne hipsters (not jeans, people)

Still Perth

I am still in Perth, however more sober this time. On the whole everyone around me does not have my drinks on them and there are no ethnic minorities ganging up and trying to kill me through vegetarian dishes -
After sensing cultural tension between myself, a pin-up boy of western civilisation, and the Hari Krishnas, a peace loving people who offer top rate meals at a pay-what-you-think price, things looked like they were going to head south.
thankfully my mate Tom was able to calm the waters by communicating with the foreign peoples with some universal words of people of 'non-Western' civilisation: 'Durka durka, Muhammed Jihad'.
Thanks to Tom quick wit and faultless elocution I was saved and with the help of some Zyrtec lived to fight another day on the mean streets of Perth.

News:
-Sarah Blasko is hot, her beauty surpassed perhaps only by that of her keyboard player.
-James Ross-Edwards, prolific blogger and man about town has now officially inundated his seldom viewed web log with so much in jokes that it is has the equivalent audience of whatevers on channel 7 during big brother up late.

Personal correspondence:
Rhythm section of Gelbison: OK guys, look, I know its only a support slot and that Sarah Blasko is pretty mellow herself but you guys could have at least turned up to play for even a bit. Furthermore, thanks to you your band let down the rest of the bill as you were far below the required scarf quota for live music in Perth.

the truth is actually...

just got back from large night out in perth, hanging out with mates i lived with ie not young liberal, (shes from melbourne... not st kilda ie secret life). the closest i got to picking up was this peroxided hair girl saying that i looked like the brady bunch and that i needed a hair cut, thanks. next time i will get a real mans haircut... a number two blade blended step... undercut maybe??????????????????????????/


= have further discovered that im not very goood at night clubs and that the true way to love is to charm girls with the benefits that comes from knowing my family: ie my mum is a nurse and can seriously hook your grandma up any aged care needs and my dad knows his shit when it comes to scaffolds andscissor lifts.in addition ny younger brother is a proper geezer and when it comes to pin striped pants and diesel sunnies and oasis he is a wealth of knowledge - go pubes (i call him pubes sometimes.. its funny, trust me)

bRAD has been hassling me that i owe him money cos i didn't have any and he paid for many drinks,,, yes i did smoke four cigies tonight although i have quit but 2 my credit i threw thr rest of them at happy punters. i also tipped a glass of bacardi over my friend annikas friend (sorry ak), which is bad news as her dad has the most rizzzocking clizzogs this side of the EU.

despite ppl chewing off their jaws i was not tempted ny ecstacy, event thgouth many arthouse0ish songs came on... not that way inclined... at a point in wchich someione said 'wanker' toow wchich i repolied: your the wanker mate, if anyone is.

tonight i saw harry, g-units wa branch,,, G-UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

better go soon as am playing on someone elses computer (tims) and that i have a double bed to pizzzzzzzzzzzzassssssss out on for shiizurre... taste the radness mother fizzuckers

yours sizzincercely
james