Having just come off the largest week in a while (Randomly pissed at the Crowie on Tuesday night, White Stripes gig Wednesday, BDO Thursday, 6 hours of 'OC' season 1 on Friday, and a mates birthday cruise on Saturday that started at 10:30am on a boat in the harbour and ended 4:00am Sunday tired, drunk, penniless and fast losing the term 'loveably' from the phrase 'loveably obnoxious'). In reflection of the week that has just been I thought I would direct a few questions at certain individuals.
Jack White: Jack, I think I am going to ask Meg to marry me... What will that make us? Brothers? Lovers? Enemies? I hope you won't beat me up like you did the guy from the Von Bondies... Do you mind if I write some songs for Meg's solo album?
Meg White: Will you marry me?
Meg White: I have an idea... How do you feel about starting up a 2-piece, husband-wife band? Sure I'm not much chop on the guitar, and can't sing for shit... No need to look at me like that, you're drumming is sub-par and often out of time.
Tom Hill: Thomas your blog is splendid reading. www.alcoholicsanonymouswithanajaxkicker.blogspot.com
Organisers of the Sydney BDO: I'm sorry about urinating on some of your tents and scaffolding, and floors... If you don't want this to happen in the future perhaps you should give me a VIP card or something.
Wolfmother: What is a 'Mind's Eye?' Is it something Ozzy Osborne taught you?
Tex Perkins: If Tim Rogers fell over and died one day you would be my new living hero of Australian music...
Kings of Leon: How did you guys get those pants to do up? Was it nice meeting Nina?
Steve: Are you trying to beat me at the only thing I can distinguish myself with? nice entry... I like the way it was largely about me. www.jamesandsteve.blogspot.com
- I'll see you on the airwaves! Or maybe in the car on the way!
- 1-6am, 2nd of Feb 94.5 on the FM dial.
Tim Rogers: Look out behind you man, I think Tex Perkins just tried to push you down the stairs.
Seth Cohen: A few questions...
1. How do you maintain your sharp, satirical wit with all the drama that goes on around you all the time?
2. Do you ever miss Anna? She was great eh!
3. Self-deprecators are kings among comedians don't you think Seth... All us tall, skinny wankers know that (Am I right or what?... Anyone?)
Kym: Now that you are no longer a 9-5er I hope that you still read this fine publication.
Sandy Cohen: Does it wear you out being a Saint amongst men? Because you look bloody fantastic for your age.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Monday, January 16, 2006
And I will fully like, love you, always...how does that song go?
This is an inbetween post - like a solo album between touring with the rest of the band...
The rest of the Falls journal is on it's way.
Three important points:
1. First and foremost please visit www.jamesandsteve.blogspot.com , it's a blog dedicated to following the every move of Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O... I just don't know how they can be so funny every morning!!!!!
2. Thanks I had a great weekend, I went to Kym's party, then the Mandarin Club to pash Ng and firmly molest Levins, then to what I swear was 'Gasworks' the heavy metal nightclub from the first Wayne's World but I'm told was 77 on Williams St... Holy shit, I have never seen such immaculate posing... Oh and to whoever was DJing? By playing The Clashes 'London Calling' I think you almost fooled 'ironically cool' into thinking it was someone else. It's like the people at these places (much like the crowd that frequented the Pacific Blue Room for 'Death Disco' several years back) are the type of people that simply don't exist in daylight, it would certainly not be practical if they did. Perhaps at the break of day they turn into pumpkins or maybe the plastic bags that line the bins on Crown Street... Making them the receptacle of (devestatingly appropriately) 'Crown Street trash'.
3. I don't know if the Falls' diaries will ever be completed. To save everyone the suspense that may never convert itself into realised satisfaction...
- Falls was great
- broke radiator on some arseholes tow-bar (my fault completely - Sleeping Beauty aka Pidge wasn't a great help either) on the way home
had to leave the borrowed CRV in Lorne (just over 1000kms from my driveway)
- public transport to Melbourne (the 5 dickheads next to me on the Lorne-Geelong bus took acid as soon as we got on the bus... about half an hour in the guy turned to me and said: 'Did you just call me a fucken loser?'... This suprised me, I didn't know that acid enabled people to read minds).
- stayed at Brads cousin Cheryl's house in Melbourne
went to the Espy, got a counter meal, stupid city hasn't even invented buzzers for bistro food, decided that despite lackm of buzzers and bitchy bistro staff Melbourne beats Sydney
- oh yeah the guy in the record store in Brunswick St was smoking behind the counter at his shop... you would never see that shit here. Not passing judgement either way, just saying... you would never see that shit here.
Oh yeah... to the two girls who put their deposit on that cool apartment in Ernest Street two minutes before us on Saturday... Get used to a seedy guy in nowt but a trenchcoat standing below you're spacious balcony, furiously masturbating and watching you eat your morning cereal...
That's right, I'm sending Brad around until you give us our house back.
The rest of the Falls journal is on it's way.
Three important points:
1. First and foremost please visit www.jamesandsteve.blogspot.com , it's a blog dedicated to following the every move of Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O... I just don't know how they can be so funny every morning!!!!!
2. Thanks I had a great weekend, I went to Kym's party, then the Mandarin Club to pash Ng and firmly molest Levins, then to what I swear was 'Gasworks' the heavy metal nightclub from the first Wayne's World but I'm told was 77 on Williams St... Holy shit, I have never seen such immaculate posing... Oh and to whoever was DJing? By playing The Clashes 'London Calling' I think you almost fooled 'ironically cool' into thinking it was someone else. It's like the people at these places (much like the crowd that frequented the Pacific Blue Room for 'Death Disco' several years back) are the type of people that simply don't exist in daylight, it would certainly not be practical if they did. Perhaps at the break of day they turn into pumpkins or maybe the plastic bags that line the bins on Crown Street... Making them the receptacle of (devestatingly appropriately) 'Crown Street trash'.
3. I don't know if the Falls' diaries will ever be completed. To save everyone the suspense that may never convert itself into realised satisfaction...
- Falls was great
- broke radiator on some arseholes tow-bar (my fault completely - Sleeping Beauty aka Pidge wasn't a great help either) on the way home
had to leave the borrowed CRV in Lorne (just over 1000kms from my driveway)
- public transport to Melbourne (the 5 dickheads next to me on the Lorne-Geelong bus took acid as soon as we got on the bus... about half an hour in the guy turned to me and said: 'Did you just call me a fucken loser?'... This suprised me, I didn't know that acid enabled people to read minds).
- stayed at Brads cousin Cheryl's house in Melbourne
went to the Espy, got a counter meal, stupid city hasn't even invented buzzers for bistro food, decided that despite lackm of buzzers and bitchy bistro staff Melbourne beats Sydney
- oh yeah the guy in the record store in Brunswick St was smoking behind the counter at his shop... you would never see that shit here. Not passing judgement either way, just saying... you would never see that shit here.
Oh yeah... to the two girls who put their deposit on that cool apartment in Ernest Street two minutes before us on Saturday... Get used to a seedy guy in nowt but a trenchcoat standing below you're spacious balcony, furiously masturbating and watching you eat your morning cereal...
That's right, I'm sending Brad around until you give us our house back.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Day 1 of The Falls road trip - 'Are those thongs watermelon coloured?'
Happy new year to most...whatever to others!
The Falls Festival Road Trip Diary:
28th Dec -
Arose around 6:30am tired and a bit sweaty as is characteristic of a Sydney summer. Had to jump straight to action as we were due to leave at 7:30. After 25minute shower (sorry farmers) I got dressed, finished packing and waited for Will to arrive so we could leave.
8:10 - Will arrives pretending he isn't late.
8:25 - Doug has called asking for us to come and pick us up from his parents place, this is impressive as with no landline, mobile or idea of where he was staying the night before - I had my doubts he would materialise let alone call us at such an early hour.
10:00 - Doug is in the car, the borrowed CRV is rocketing towards Melbourne.
10:05 - Will to James: 'Did you bring your tickets?'
10:25 - Back at my house, searching for tickets.
12:00 - Goulbourn Maccas.
12:26 - Goulbourn Subway waiting for Doug to get his vegetarian option...selfish.
14:17 - Three-way sing-along to Alanis Morisette 'Ironic' so loud that we needed to pull over in a landlocked town with a massive submarine as it's chief attraction to remind ourselves what irony really is.
14:20 - Did a poo in the toilets next to the big submarine.
14:58 - Finished an argument on whether or not it would be ironic if it rained on your wedding day if you were marrying Tim Bailey... Agreed that it probably would be but too many variables presented themselves: indoor or outdoor venue, legality of gay marriage, do you really love him or is it just the 'weatherman' you are marrying? etc. etc.
16:47 - Met up with other vehicle in party, they were at the 'Booma Hotel' in Albury and only convinced Brad to stop for a rest because someone had told him that there was a shop that sold pastel sweaters at low low prices... Sam felt bad for deceiving Brad but felt it was necessary as he was 'stinging for a schooner'... Unfortunately for him we were far enough away from Sydney that only pots and pints were on offer, but we were still close enough that the pub bore all the stainless-steel, pokie-lounge, mutton-dressed-as-lamb attributes that plague suburban hotels of Sydney.
16:58 - Me and Brad decided to swap the plugs in his green thongs with those in my pink thongs. After some effort we achieved our goal.
17:14 - Realised that me and Brad could no longer safely walk side by side with our heterosexuality intact... This matter was inflamed when I had to leave the beer garden and walk through the public bar in watermelon thongs and pink shorts, to the sultry stares of clearly impressed local workers who I'm sure wanted to know where they could themselves accquire such manly fashion.
17:30 - Back on the road, charging towards the city of vintage couches and zero no-smoking signs.
17:42 - Having just crossed the border and left the arse-end of Wodonga Will shows a touch of his pre-going-to-uni-in-Canberra conservative cautiousness suggesting that we stop for petrol.
'Nonsense!' James declares loudly, 'the light hasn't even come on yet! We have at least 100kms after that!'
17:43 - The petrol light on the borrowed CRV lights up.
18:51 - (Around 100km later) I am slightly nervous as we were due to run out of petrol near a service-stationless town that declared itself 'The horse-capital of Australia' - not a horse in sight... irony? Maybe it's on Alanis' forthcoming ''b-sides and rarities'. Additionally, about 20 minutes earlier Will had declared that if we were to run out of petrol due to my stupidity , he would be allowed to take advantage of me while he was wearing nothing but black Clark's school shoes and a lime-green industrie polo shirt with the collar up.
19:00 - Found service station in town that declared itself 'The next one down from the horse capital of Australia'. Pumped petrol while still shaking a little bit with relief.
19:11 - Made Will put his school shoes back in his bag.
19:44 - Entering Melbourne finishing an emotional conversation about how much travelling and experiencing different places opens up your mind. Started an emotional conversation about how much we hate people with different cultures and ideas.
21:12 - Finally found our motel 'Best Western - Tullamarine'. Wondering in fact how close it was to the airport (we had to pick up Milo early the next morning), it was quickly noted that we were in fact sleeping within metres of the long-term parking station and were quite possibly in the same street as the Kerrigan family. It wasn't a motel, it was a fucking home.
22:00 - The four of us in the A-party (myself, Will, Doug and Liv) scrubbed up and presented ourselves to the bar/bistro for a somewhat limited choice of dinner: Wedges or fries. I chose wedges.
23:45 - The Ten Networks summer series 'Shopping for Love' was finished and so were we. I fell asleep in my foldout bed dreaming of scoring a dream date at Conrad Jupiters on the Gold Coast with Sharon - the knockout that kept her 'Miss Indy' winners sashes on her bedposts.
- stay tuned for day 2: 'Are youse going to Falls?'
The Falls Festival Road Trip Diary:
28th Dec -
Arose around 6:30am tired and a bit sweaty as is characteristic of a Sydney summer. Had to jump straight to action as we were due to leave at 7:30. After 25minute shower (sorry farmers) I got dressed, finished packing and waited for Will to arrive so we could leave.
8:10 - Will arrives pretending he isn't late.
8:25 - Doug has called asking for us to come and pick us up from his parents place, this is impressive as with no landline, mobile or idea of where he was staying the night before - I had my doubts he would materialise let alone call us at such an early hour.
10:00 - Doug is in the car, the borrowed CRV is rocketing towards Melbourne.
10:05 - Will to James: 'Did you bring your tickets?'
10:25 - Back at my house, searching for tickets.
12:00 - Goulbourn Maccas.
12:26 - Goulbourn Subway waiting for Doug to get his vegetarian option...selfish.
14:17 - Three-way sing-along to Alanis Morisette 'Ironic' so loud that we needed to pull over in a landlocked town with a massive submarine as it's chief attraction to remind ourselves what irony really is.
14:20 - Did a poo in the toilets next to the big submarine.
14:58 - Finished an argument on whether or not it would be ironic if it rained on your wedding day if you were marrying Tim Bailey... Agreed that it probably would be but too many variables presented themselves: indoor or outdoor venue, legality of gay marriage, do you really love him or is it just the 'weatherman' you are marrying? etc. etc.
16:47 - Met up with other vehicle in party, they were at the 'Booma Hotel' in Albury and only convinced Brad to stop for a rest because someone had told him that there was a shop that sold pastel sweaters at low low prices... Sam felt bad for deceiving Brad but felt it was necessary as he was 'stinging for a schooner'... Unfortunately for him we were far enough away from Sydney that only pots and pints were on offer, but we were still close enough that the pub bore all the stainless-steel, pokie-lounge, mutton-dressed-as-lamb attributes that plague suburban hotels of Sydney.
16:58 - Me and Brad decided to swap the plugs in his green thongs with those in my pink thongs. After some effort we achieved our goal.
17:14 - Realised that me and Brad could no longer safely walk side by side with our heterosexuality intact... This matter was inflamed when I had to leave the beer garden and walk through the public bar in watermelon thongs and pink shorts, to the sultry stares of clearly impressed local workers who I'm sure wanted to know where they could themselves accquire such manly fashion.
17:30 - Back on the road, charging towards the city of vintage couches and zero no-smoking signs.
17:42 - Having just crossed the border and left the arse-end of Wodonga Will shows a touch of his pre-going-to-uni-in-Canberra conservative cautiousness suggesting that we stop for petrol.
'Nonsense!' James declares loudly, 'the light hasn't even come on yet! We have at least 100kms after that!'
17:43 - The petrol light on the borrowed CRV lights up.
18:51 - (Around 100km later) I am slightly nervous as we were due to run out of petrol near a service-stationless town that declared itself 'The horse-capital of Australia' - not a horse in sight... irony? Maybe it's on Alanis' forthcoming ''b-sides and rarities'. Additionally, about 20 minutes earlier Will had declared that if we were to run out of petrol due to my stupidity , he would be allowed to take advantage of me while he was wearing nothing but black Clark's school shoes and a lime-green industrie polo shirt with the collar up.
19:00 - Found service station in town that declared itself 'The next one down from the horse capital of Australia'. Pumped petrol while still shaking a little bit with relief.
19:11 - Made Will put his school shoes back in his bag.
19:44 - Entering Melbourne finishing an emotional conversation about how much travelling and experiencing different places opens up your mind. Started an emotional conversation about how much we hate people with different cultures and ideas.
21:12 - Finally found our motel 'Best Western - Tullamarine'. Wondering in fact how close it was to the airport (we had to pick up Milo early the next morning), it was quickly noted that we were in fact sleeping within metres of the long-term parking station and were quite possibly in the same street as the Kerrigan family. It wasn't a motel, it was a fucking home.
22:00 - The four of us in the A-party (myself, Will, Doug and Liv) scrubbed up and presented ourselves to the bar/bistro for a somewhat limited choice of dinner: Wedges or fries. I chose wedges.
23:45 - The Ten Networks summer series 'Shopping for Love' was finished and so were we. I fell asleep in my foldout bed dreaming of scoring a dream date at Conrad Jupiters on the Gold Coast with Sharon - the knockout that kept her 'Miss Indy' winners sashes on her bedposts.
- stay tuned for day 2: 'Are youse going to Falls?'
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