Gentlemanly Pursuits

Rewritten from original bender transcripts (that appeared in this blog) in early-2006.
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After post-work indulgence, Lucas knows that the best end to a night is ALWAYS to trespass on the grounds of a prestigious school and make the following comment:
"Shit man, those primary school kids have it fucken sweet. That's the biggest chess-board I've ever seen, hey."

This will always be preceded by the aforementioned waking up the one homeless man in Waverton (usually by creeping up to him on all fours and poking him with a stick. Don't forget, the sun is up, and Lucas is wearing a pair of borrowed Umbro shorts).

He will then giggle, excited that he has woken a man, offering him a cigarette. Annoyed at being rudely woken up, the man will respond with a stern "no mate", pull his blanket back over his head, and go back to sleeping like he was not on a park bench in a wealthy postcode.

This will offend Lucas, who will stand facing the sleeping man for several minutes, arms out at sides, mouth open in half-disgust half-disbelief. He will then commence his verbal address spoken to his peers, but clearly aimed at the sleeping man:
"What kind of bum turns down a smoke?"
"And his blankets look dry-cleaned! What kind of bum has dry-cleaned sheets?"
Any gentle reasoning that the gentleman may not be a smoker is immediately quashed.
"Bullshit. Every bum smokes. Fact. You like you need another shake Ross-Edwards."

As it turned out, I did need another shake (A shake is when a man grabs another, and aggressively shakes him from the shoulders).
Later, Lucas was overheard on the phone to an unknown acquaintance: "It was one of those good violent shakes where you slap them a bit and you almost feel bad about it after."
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