Autobiography part 2

... As we all know the linear narrative is the mouth-piece of the aged, the not-subversive and the literally uncool. The autobiography is an ancient and patriarchal concept, traditionally and contemporarily used for white men in their middle-ages to reflect on their achievements, be they sporting, sciencing, painting or of the various forms of colonising.

With this in mind, writing an autobiography whilst I am only eight years older than the age Drew Barrymore wrote her first, seems a ridiculous and indulgent idea. If I WERE to pass off my remarkable life story in order to fill 15 novel pages I should be very careful to both embrace and ignore the traditional ideas of the autobiography and write my own accordingly.

CHAPTER 1:
The first chapter would take place years before I was born. It would probably start with capitalised onomatopoeia:
CRACK! The saddleman's whip could be heard half-way across the Gundagai property. The young Jackeroo exhibited amazing strength for a kid with windswept sandy-blonde hair who looked like he should still be opening bat for Geelong Grammar's Under 15 side.

I would not immediately suggest that this character was not me but then I would probably drop in a short (yes, truncated) sentence saying "But this was the depression."

The idea of the first chapter is to establish context and history to answer questions such as "where does this boy come from?" An average biographer will simply tell you a story. A complete wanker (the exact opposite to an average biographer?) such as Peter Fitzsimons will take you on a journey, and probably tell inflated stories of exaggerated romance and Australian-spirit (Peter Fitzsimons bought the rights to the ANZAC spirit from the late Weary Dunlop's estate).

The use of the first chapter in this particular account, would introduce my grandfathers, presenting them as strong willed and honest larrikin types of a bygone era. This is done to suggest that, while I never went to war, I have inherited alot from these men. My grandmother's will be presented briefly as strong and practical, yet delicate debutantes. As most readers of autobiographies will know, women are nice, but not essential...

THINGS I DID INSTEAD OF FINISHING THIS SHORT STORY/AUTOBIOGRAPHY:
* Sat on couch, knowing their would be nothing on television
* Watched first half of Friday Night Games
* Refreshed the browser on Facebook eight times