GOONBAG

I wrote this post about 6 weeks ago, but never finished it. I don't think I will ever bother doing so but heres a good chunk of it.

NB - Since I wrote this, the affable Bag Of has got a job.

Last week during a lunch-break at work, me and Dan found ourselves, over lasagne and chips, discussing ways to make money in a world where virtually every cash-cow has been milked dry. I was telling Dan how a cousin of a friend used to organised cruises around the harbour for Sydney´s somewhat scabby, yet lovable backpacker population. Dan, a well seasoned traveller himself agreed that while Sydney´s backpacker population were indeed quite scabby, they are large in numbers and usually bring British Pounds of Euros to spend. We started brainstorming different ways to make money from backpackers... I suggested maps of Sydney pointing out of this cities three most beautiful and picturesque attractions: Bondi, Coogee, Scubar.

This got me thinking about tourism in general. You always see and/or hear about tourists, when in LA, going on the "Desperate Housewives" bus tour or the "Celebrity Houses" bus tour.
"Perhaps there would be room to do this here in Sydney?" I asked myself out loud, whilst eating crackers and philadelphia cheese and pacing around my small living room in the dark.

Rather than focus on famous people, I think I will focus on soon-to-be famous people, this way I will be a step ahead of the rest of the celebrity bus-tour competition.

TOUR #1:
The David "Goonbag" Goulter Bus-Tour.

Who ?: David is a future star of Rugby Union. At the tender age of 21 he is already the tight-head prop for Eastwood´s first grade side.

How much?: $130 per person.

Target bus-tourers: This particular bus-tour will target the Eastwood clubs international fan base, the proportion of females aged 16-49 that like "big husky guys" (around 13% according to the ABS), North-shore mothers as well as select demographics from the lucrative "up-stairs at Cargo" contingent.

::ITINIERY::

* After picking up tourers from the International Airport and Central Station, the bus (renamed the Goulter-bus[!]) will travel down Victoria Rd and out to it´s first stop at Eastwood´s home ground, T.G. Milner Oval.

9:00am - T.G. Milner: Passengers will be let off the bus and shown around the place where their hero played his first games of Colts, and for the first time took to the field in a first-grade jersey (no different to any other grades jersey... More of a metaphor). Passengers will be each given a film cannister containing a small piece of grass from the in-goal area.

9:10am - Changing room/Clubhouse: After doing a lap of the oval, "just like Dave does at the start of every training", passengers will be shown into the changing room that Goulter first was officially "welcomed to first grade" in. Passengers will be given the option of purchase a limited edition print of Dave standing on top of the physio table naked, singing the club song, with their own head superimposed onto the great mans body! Prints will come mounted on cardboard, each print is pre-signed "David Goulter #1", by Eastwoods own Tim Donnelly as Dave was (naturally) too busy. Prints can be purchased at $37 for 1, or $105 for 3. Limit six per person per tour.

9:40am - Passengers will be taken for a guided tour of the Eastwood Club. Morning tea and refreshments will be provided courtesy of Spotless catering: Each traveller will receive one red granny smith apple, two scotch finger biscuits, a Just Juice popper, and a three baby chicken wings. Tour organisers should be contacted 48hours in advance for special dietary requirements eg vegetarian, siliac, poof etc.

10:40 - After a nice digestive walk back to the bus, passengers will travel to North Ryde RSL, official sponsors of EDRUFC! Here passengers will be given a guided tour of the monstrous club/pokie filled cesspit. Passengers will be spoken to by a spokesperson from the RSL about the importance of poker machines in society, and how without them we would all be miserable. Interstate and International visitors will be shown "how to have a slap" on the pokies, while local passengers will be entertained by the RSL´s latest amateur theatre production: "Kicking the shit out of Tim Friedman".

12:20 - Passengers will be given the option of purchasing a counter-meal at one of the RSL´s 48 bars/bistros.

13:00 - Arrive at the house in West Pymble that Dave grew up (and still lives) in! The bus will circle

Now that the iconic Aussie band Youami has realeased an awesome come-back album, "Convicts", I could provide the Youami bus tour of Sydney.