Last night saw Pidge´s farewell from the Olympic city. Next week he will be relocating to the place of mafia-related shootings, cannabis plantations and teenage pregnancy. Griffith.
The evening started conveniently for me, just down the road from my house at the Rose Hotel. Having offered to get the first round I settled into what seemed like at least five schooners before I first stood up to go to the toilet. The crowd, like the venue was celubrious, with a great turn out that cumulatively sliced through what could only be described as "a bloody mountain of tin."
The evening was soured slightly when an obnoxiously drunk member of the party got into a vocal argument with two girls over the high proportion of males in our group wearing cardigans. Some of the better quotes from it:
"What´s your definition of cardigan?"
- J.R-E to two girls.
"It´s not a cardigan... It has a zip and a hood. Cardigans have to have buttons by definition!"
- J.R-E on allegations that he himself, is wearing a cardigan.
"What do you want? Do you want me to just say straight out that I´m a wanker?"
- J.R-E in a final ditch attempt to take the moral high ground.
"Yes"
-Girl #1 answering above question.
"Mate, lets go"
- Pidge to James.
Purple Sneakers was a short stroll down the road, and after a brief run in with an extended line-up out the front (it feels weird lining up for the Abercrombie, in a gravel driveway that smells like sewage) we danced our way through to some ironically cool music. After the bar ran our of post-mix, gin and juice was the order to beat. Myself and Brad had declared that the night indeed would be an RAAF Airshow (reference to flying: "I´m flying"). Feeling slightly old amongst the 18-20 year olds with quirky hair, I was relieved to find The Chaser´s own Chris Taylor dragging up the average age in the venue to an acceptable level.
Great night had by all. Farewell for the time being Will, I hope your expensive jeans serve you as well in regional NSW as they have here in Sydney.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
GOONBAG
I wrote this post about 6 weeks ago, but never finished it. I don't think I will ever bother doing so but heres a good chunk of it.
NB - Since I wrote this, the affable Bag Of has got a job.
Last week during a lunch-break at work, me and Dan found ourselves, over lasagne and chips, discussing ways to make money in a world where virtually every cash-cow has been milked dry. I was telling Dan how a cousin of a friend used to organised cruises around the harbour for Sydney´s somewhat scabby, yet lovable backpacker population. Dan, a well seasoned traveller himself agreed that while Sydney´s backpacker population were indeed quite scabby, they are large in numbers and usually bring British Pounds of Euros to spend. We started brainstorming different ways to make money from backpackers... I suggested maps of Sydney pointing out of this cities three most beautiful and picturesque attractions: Bondi, Coogee, Scubar.
This got me thinking about tourism in general. You always see and/or hear about tourists, when in LA, going on the "Desperate Housewives" bus tour or the "Celebrity Houses" bus tour.
"Perhaps there would be room to do this here in Sydney?" I asked myself out loud, whilst eating crackers and philadelphia cheese and pacing around my small living room in the dark.
Rather than focus on famous people, I think I will focus on soon-to-be famous people, this way I will be a step ahead of the rest of the celebrity bus-tour competition.
TOUR #1:
The David "Goonbag" Goulter Bus-Tour.
Who ?: David is a future star of Rugby Union. At the tender age of 21 he is already the tight-head prop for Eastwood´s first grade side.
How much?: $130 per person.
Target bus-tourers: This particular bus-tour will target the Eastwood clubs international fan base, the proportion of females aged 16-49 that like "big husky guys" (around 13% according to the ABS), North-shore mothers as well as select demographics from the lucrative "up-stairs at Cargo" contingent.
::ITINIERY::
* After picking up tourers from the International Airport and Central Station, the bus (renamed the Goulter-bus[!]) will travel down Victoria Rd and out to it´s first stop at Eastwood´s home ground, T.G. Milner Oval.
9:00am - T.G. Milner: Passengers will be let off the bus and shown around the place where their hero played his first games of Colts, and for the first time took to the field in a first-grade jersey (no different to any other grades jersey... More of a metaphor). Passengers will be each given a film cannister containing a small piece of grass from the in-goal area.
9:10am - Changing room/Clubhouse: After doing a lap of the oval, "just like Dave does at the start of every training", passengers will be shown into the changing room that Goulter first was officially "welcomed to first grade" in. Passengers will be given the option of purchase a limited edition print of Dave standing on top of the physio table naked, singing the club song, with their own head superimposed onto the great mans body! Prints will come mounted on cardboard, each print is pre-signed "David Goulter #1", by Eastwoods own Tim Donnelly as Dave was (naturally) too busy. Prints can be purchased at $37 for 1, or $105 for 3. Limit six per person per tour.
9:40am - Passengers will be taken for a guided tour of the Eastwood Club. Morning tea and refreshments will be provided courtesy of Spotless catering: Each traveller will receive one red granny smith apple, two scotch finger biscuits, a Just Juice popper, and a three baby chicken wings. Tour organisers should be contacted 48hours in advance for special dietary requirements eg vegetarian, siliac, poof etc.
10:40 - After a nice digestive walk back to the bus, passengers will travel to North Ryde RSL, official sponsors of EDRUFC! Here passengers will be given a guided tour of the monstrous club/pokie filled cesspit. Passengers will be spoken to by a spokesperson from the RSL about the importance of poker machines in society, and how without them we would all be miserable. Interstate and International visitors will be shown "how to have a slap" on the pokies, while local passengers will be entertained by the RSL´s latest amateur theatre production: "Kicking the shit out of Tim Friedman".
12:20 - Passengers will be given the option of purchasing a counter-meal at one of the RSL´s 48 bars/bistros.
13:00 - Arrive at the house in West Pymble that Dave grew up (and still lives) in! The bus will circle
Now that the iconic Aussie band Youami has realeased an awesome come-back album, "Convicts", I could provide the Youami bus tour of Sydney.
NB - Since I wrote this, the affable Bag Of has got a job.
Last week during a lunch-break at work, me and Dan found ourselves, over lasagne and chips, discussing ways to make money in a world where virtually every cash-cow has been milked dry. I was telling Dan how a cousin of a friend used to organised cruises around the harbour for Sydney´s somewhat scabby, yet lovable backpacker population. Dan, a well seasoned traveller himself agreed that while Sydney´s backpacker population were indeed quite scabby, they are large in numbers and usually bring British Pounds of Euros to spend. We started brainstorming different ways to make money from backpackers... I suggested maps of Sydney pointing out of this cities three most beautiful and picturesque attractions: Bondi, Coogee, Scubar.
This got me thinking about tourism in general. You always see and/or hear about tourists, when in LA, going on the "Desperate Housewives" bus tour or the "Celebrity Houses" bus tour.
"Perhaps there would be room to do this here in Sydney?" I asked myself out loud, whilst eating crackers and philadelphia cheese and pacing around my small living room in the dark.
Rather than focus on famous people, I think I will focus on soon-to-be famous people, this way I will be a step ahead of the rest of the celebrity bus-tour competition.
TOUR #1:
The David "Goonbag" Goulter Bus-Tour.
Who ?: David is a future star of Rugby Union. At the tender age of 21 he is already the tight-head prop for Eastwood´s first grade side.
How much?: $130 per person.
Target bus-tourers: This particular bus-tour will target the Eastwood clubs international fan base, the proportion of females aged 16-49 that like "big husky guys" (around 13% according to the ABS), North-shore mothers as well as select demographics from the lucrative "up-stairs at Cargo" contingent.
::ITINIERY::
* After picking up tourers from the International Airport and Central Station, the bus (renamed the Goulter-bus[!]) will travel down Victoria Rd and out to it´s first stop at Eastwood´s home ground, T.G. Milner Oval.
9:00am - T.G. Milner: Passengers will be let off the bus and shown around the place where their hero played his first games of Colts, and for the first time took to the field in a first-grade jersey (no different to any other grades jersey... More of a metaphor). Passengers will be each given a film cannister containing a small piece of grass from the in-goal area.
9:10am - Changing room/Clubhouse: After doing a lap of the oval, "just like Dave does at the start of every training", passengers will be shown into the changing room that Goulter first was officially "welcomed to first grade" in. Passengers will be given the option of purchase a limited edition print of Dave standing on top of the physio table naked, singing the club song, with their own head superimposed onto the great mans body! Prints will come mounted on cardboard, each print is pre-signed "David Goulter #1", by Eastwoods own Tim Donnelly as Dave was (naturally) too busy. Prints can be purchased at $37 for 1, or $105 for 3. Limit six per person per tour.
9:40am - Passengers will be taken for a guided tour of the Eastwood Club. Morning tea and refreshments will be provided courtesy of Spotless catering: Each traveller will receive one red granny smith apple, two scotch finger biscuits, a Just Juice popper, and a three baby chicken wings. Tour organisers should be contacted 48hours in advance for special dietary requirements eg vegetarian, siliac, poof etc.
10:40 - After a nice digestive walk back to the bus, passengers will travel to North Ryde RSL, official sponsors of EDRUFC! Here passengers will be given a guided tour of the monstrous club/pokie filled cesspit. Passengers will be spoken to by a spokesperson from the RSL about the importance of poker machines in society, and how without them we would all be miserable. Interstate and International visitors will be shown "how to have a slap" on the pokies, while local passengers will be entertained by the RSL´s latest amateur theatre production: "Kicking the shit out of Tim Friedman".
12:20 - Passengers will be given the option of purchasing a counter-meal at one of the RSL´s 48 bars/bistros.
13:00 - Arrive at the house in West Pymble that Dave grew up (and still lives) in! The bus will circle
Now that the iconic Aussie band Youami has realeased an awesome come-back album, "Convicts", I could provide the Youami bus tour of Sydney.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Calista Flockhart: "I thought I was going to die"
Apart from a small cash-flow crisis, having too many unpaid jobs and two massive assignments due next week, it is a wonderful time to be alive.
Tickets to Splendour have been purchased, lust of tar has almost been coughed up, overall sense of confidence and well-being is reasonably high. If I were the character from "Doom 2," I suspect my health would read a respectable 92%, any minor complications would be represented by a slightly bloody nose on the face of the muscular hero. My weapon of choice would of course be the chainsaw, aiding me as I hack my way through the trials and tribulations of life. All my worries and problems would be represented by aliens and armed soviet troops, all my solutions and happiness being them chopped up on the ground - there ammo and extra lives picked up by me on the way. The various levels would be named things like "Researching and Reporting Feature Article", "Allnight radio show", "Carrying plates", "Calling Centrelink", "Thinking up new things to call Simmo". Stuff like that mainly.
Tip of the day: Do not go grocery shopping when you are hungry.
Saying of year: "Shelfing" (verb) eg: "Fuck, that bloke can shelf piss"
"I am stingin', when are we gonna start shelfing piss"
"A fair bit off piss was shelfed"
Quote of the last six weeks: "A complete lack of remorse for tin"
- W. Gilroy.
Handy Household hint of the week: Why not convert an old living area into a funky entertaining space!?
Tooheys New Cup Player of the Week: D. Goulter (Eastwood)
Award for best money invested in the last year: Norths Rugby Club for 1. Cabana Bars Thursday nights and 2. Wendel Sailor (They took the Dell burger off the menu because Wendel "isn't fucken hungry mate (sound of jaw grinding and lips licking)! ... Can I have a ciggie?"
Tickets to Splendour have been purchased, lust of tar has almost been coughed up, overall sense of confidence and well-being is reasonably high. If I were the character from "Doom 2," I suspect my health would read a respectable 92%, any minor complications would be represented by a slightly bloody nose on the face of the muscular hero. My weapon of choice would of course be the chainsaw, aiding me as I hack my way through the trials and tribulations of life. All my worries and problems would be represented by aliens and armed soviet troops, all my solutions and happiness being them chopped up on the ground - there ammo and extra lives picked up by me on the way. The various levels would be named things like "Researching and Reporting Feature Article", "Allnight radio show", "Carrying plates", "Calling Centrelink", "Thinking up new things to call Simmo". Stuff like that mainly.
Tip of the day: Do not go grocery shopping when you are hungry.
Saying of year: "Shelfing" (verb) eg: "Fuck, that bloke can shelf piss"
"I am stingin', when are we gonna start shelfing piss"
"A fair bit off piss was shelfed"
Quote of the last six weeks: "A complete lack of remorse for tin"
- W. Gilroy.
Handy Household hint of the week: Why not convert an old living area into a funky entertaining space!?
Tooheys New Cup Player of the Week: D. Goulter (Eastwood)
Award for best money invested in the last year: Norths Rugby Club for 1. Cabana Bars Thursday nights and 2. Wendel Sailor (They took the Dell burger off the menu because Wendel "isn't fucken hungry mate (sound of jaw grinding and lips licking)! ... Can I have a ciggie?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
