Trying to write like Stan - Part 1.

You and Stan aren’t talking about the same ‘gym.’

“Just because certain words mean certain things to you, doesn’t mean it's the same for everyone else. We all lead different lives.

In Melbourne a sauna's a brothel ya know? In Adelaide a pint is only the size of a schooner unless you say 'imperial' - anyway - In Hervey Bay a schooner's a fucken boat. Different things, signifiers.”

He paused to light a cigarette.

“Fucken. If you pissed yourself, I’d say you’d pissed yourself.” He said. “Doesn’t mean Stan'd say it like that.”

I stared at my chewed up thumbnail. “What would Stan say?”

“He’d say that you’d ‘done a piss inside your pants.’”

“Then what would he say?”

“He'd say you're a twit.”