Everybody needs bio.

Even Peter Fitzsimons. He would insist on writing his own, probably mostly about walking the Kokoda Trail and how schoolboy rugby should be on the ABC on Saturday afternoons instead of the Shute Shield match of the week.

"I'm sorry, Peter, I can't agree there." James said.
"What do you mean? Move out of the way mate, I'm on my way to meet Billy Birmingham. We're going on his yacht, maybe collaborating on a project too."
"Bullshit. Are you going to do a Baltimore remix of the Twelfth Man? Or are you just going to go on and on in the paper, like you always do?"
"Jesus. Go away."

He didn't get my sense of humour at all. He doesn't even know what Baltimore is!*

*Baltimore is a word that people say if it is 2007, and they are in Sydney.

I* wrote a bio for a DJ named Roulade instead. He is from rouladeunlimited.com. Here it is:

*After re-reading, it is apparent that Roulade wrote some bits of this himself. "Perthonality," for example, is all his.

ROULADE
With his former moniker (Turbosaurus) ageing faster than the concept of the allover print hoodie, unnamed required something new. After reading in a fashion/culture blog that the two fads of the day were French things and fashion/culture blogs, a new direction was taken sans time wasting. Road-testing all manner of stage props from crucifixes to laser pyramids, grew tired or gimmicks, subversive street art and the foul taste of cigarette smoke.


Foregoing his commitments as a floundering Perthonality, unnamed relocated to Sydney in early 2008, keen to see the sun rise over water. Bitterly disappointed and seeking wisdom, unnamed turned to The Good Dude Radge, who immediately directed him towards the door of one of those soup kitchens in Darlinghurst that feed homeless people. Not sharing Radge’s benevolent nature, he left him to it, later conferring over a bespoke instant messaging program, they decided on Roulade.


“Roulade is intertextual, as it references a popular French dish.” Roulade paused before adding, “and anyone that doesn’t consider food a text is a wanker.”


“So one night at [place] we were supporting [name]. I was sitting in the green room having a drink and this young guy with a [haircut] and [shoes] walks up to me and says: ‘Roulade! Those jams earlier were pretty sick.’ I said thanks. He then asked me, rhetorically I think, ‘how do you do it, dude?’ Do you know what I said?”

“No?”

“I told him that I ensure that there is a CD playing at all times…”

“That’s all?”

“Nah, I also try and avoid Crookers remixes (loudly raise roof x3).”


Since his east coast relocation, Roulade has been gently simmering in the fruitier side of the 4/4 time signature, dealing heavily in [insert specific genres] as well as occasionally dabbling in [street cred genre].


If you want to know where to find him, follow the beats (bold text = growled out loud). If that doesn’t work, just call his work… The receptionist is lovely and will put you straight through.