The man is paranoid because beer made him bad.

Alright, alright, alright. Think about this, and we can narrow it down.

It probably wasn't anything that happened before midnight, I can remember that all pretty clearly (sort of clearly). I was getting along really well with everybody, I even bought a pretty generous round and had a nice conversation with the bartender.

Oh, fuck. It was outside in the smoking area. It didn't seem like it at the time, but I was probably berating people. I only really remember talking about myself, and the only circumstance in which I do that is to complain. I probably didn't even ask anyone else how they were. Fuck, I probably did the thing where I cut everyone off to make a loud observation about myself disguised as self-deprecation that is obviously designed to come across as cute and endearing - "He's a very funny and humble man" - fuck.

I'd bet everything I own on the fact that I used the phrase "what a cunt act, hey" in an honest attempt to make my own company more enjoyable. Granted, this is quite a funny thing to say, but it's circumstantial! Ah well, it's not that bad. Basically noone will remember, probably. I can vaguely remember politically overcompensating as well though... Yes, I did, almost constantly now I think of it. Fucken idiot, I ALWAYS do this. Why can't I just be a medium level of nice to black people? Why do I have to try and relate to people on their own levels? Why do I always assume the role of judge in all matters relating to how people should be spoken too?

I shouldn't have taken in those palm cards with rude phrases on them. I should not have spent most of the night (all of the night) impersonating Conor Oberst. I should not have used the words "badly injured child"* and "selfish" in the same sentence. I should not have described the man wearing a beret as "shit".

* Authors note
I changed this, it originally said something with far more impact. I was quite happy with it until I slept for eight hours then woke up from a dream where I was getting chased down by Today Tonight for my insensitivity being "beyond a joke." I don't think my explanation that "it was meant to be awful," would have held up under the harsh interrogation lights of the Australian public.
- J