James Vs The Recession V

The month of June was great for me. I forgot about The Recession.

Not only did I not post/fight – I relaxed. I let my shoulders slump into the ‘freelance space’ I keep in the gap between the hot water system and the indoor clothes rack.

No longer did I get down on my knees to urinate for fear of making noise. I abandoned the dread associated with living life as a failed smug artisan* and relaxed into my new position as Founder & Creative Director of An Actual Arts Festival (AAF)!

I couldn’t believe what I had achieved. I had fallen into a position that only people who shop/eat at Fratelli Fresh/Dank St Depot could ever hope to appreciate. Creative Director! That is like the ‘parsnip confit’ of jobs. I actually have a reasonable chance of being asked what my favourite things are by the Good Weekend!** I was overjoyed. I waved my arms in the air, running laps of the house, screaming.
‘This must be what it’s like to be married to Cate Blanchett!’

The harsh reality:
The full impact of the Recession has yet to even hit us. My festival is in serious danger of having to cut the exhibition of light sculptures I commissioned from the singer from Anthony & The Johnsons. In addition, my proposal to hold the display in Eveleigh St, Redfern has been met with a degree of criticism (mostly from the white community, it should be noted).

The solution:
Please, don’t relax. The Recession is hard for all of us – particularly those of us working with budgetary constraints of an international Arts event. We must be constantly looking over our shoulders? Always remember: air is for nervously breathing, life is for cautiously living, bone is for sucking the marrow out of on the proviso it is non-cancerous. And just like Clover Moore says at the beginning of every AAF meeting: ‘it isn’t a dick measuring contest, James.’

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*Do you have University-level knowledge of cheeses, but get paid $18.70 an hour to stand behind a counter at Simon Johnson/Thomas Dux/etc – your eager advice falling on disinterested, upwardly mobile ears?
Are you willing to stir an ‘old fashioned’ for 15 minutes, even when out on the rack on ‘hospo Mondays’?
Do you hide the packets of Equal in your workplace because it’s about ‘training the customer?’

**This has been very hard to pick… You don’t want to be pretentious, but then you really do. The basic rule of thumb (I have discussed this with Brendan Cowell, and several other Cs) is to pick something old and ‘grandparenty’ as your number one… Don’t open with, like, a bespoke red resin bathtub by Dinosaur Designs (you’ll look like a complete Cowell).